I found my journal from when I was in middle school. Oh, it's soooo good, you guys. Have you ever heard of Mortified? It's a forum (website, live storytelling events, compilation books, Podcast) for sharing your super-angsty writings from the tween and teen years. I have their first book, and it's beyond hilarious. This journal of mine...
...belongs in a Mortified hall of fame (shame?). I've been cringing over it all night - over lines like, "I turned over and stared at the TV, not hearing a word that Mark-Paul Gosselaar from SBTB was saying" (March 14, 1992, age eleven). Gotta love how I protected it with my fierce warning: DO NOT READ!!
I just have to share this gem with you from when I was thirteen, which I'll title "All I Have To Get Is Jeans." Here it is in its unedited glory:
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December 5, 1993
What am I supposed to do? What? I've been telling Mom over and over that I needed new jeans, that I only had two pairs. She wouldn't listen. And now one of those pairs has a hole in them. What am I supposed to do? Wear the other pair every day? She considers my jeans "good clothes." She complains that I wear my "good clothes" on the weekends. And I can't get one pair of jeans washed, because then all I have for a week is the other pair, which I wear every day. Gross! But what can I do?
What should I do? What? I don't know what I'm supposed to do!
Why has my life been so crappy lately? WHY? WHAT THE HECK DID I DO WRONG? I try my hardest, and I get almost straight A's. Is that so horrible? I really can't see anything wrong with that.
All I want to do is kill myself. I die. All my problems go away, they're gone, poof. But how do I do that?
No, killing myself won't work.
All I have to get is jeans. But Christmas is twenty days away! That means fourteen more school days. Great. Wonderful. Just great. I get to wear dirty jeans until Christmas. Maybe even longer, because I have a feeling that, even though I was really looking forward to this Christmas, this is going to be an awful Christmas.
Just like the rest of my life.
Awful.
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BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LOLLLZZZZZ FOR DAYYYYYYYS
I'm so glad to know that my angsty and melodramatic journaling had a strong start. My, my, resorting to suicide because my denim selection was tragically limited? Awful Christmas, awful life, EVEN THOUGH I was getting almost straight A's. OH LIFE, YOU CRUEL AND HEARTLESS WENCH.
Yeah. Mortifying.
Happy Thursday, and you're welcome, and oh my god.
this.is.the.best.thing.ive.read.in.a.while. :)
ReplyDeleteJust wait...I'm pretty certain there's some R.E.M. fan fiction in one of my high school journals. Oy.
DeleteCan I come over and just read that whole thing? Pretty sure I could do that in one sitting. Sooooo funny!!!! I also like that you chose to accentuate "private" on the cover. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm certain that double-layer of privacy warnings kept out all four of my siblings, as well as my parents. I'm so glad I was thorough. And yes, come over and let's read ALL of my journals!!
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