Sunday, April 1, 2012

record yourself.

Just for the record? That incredible "flow state" I encountered a couple weeks ago, wherein I spent days on end mentally and physically immersed in overhauling our kitchen? Yeah. That flow state is an elusive little bitch this weekend. You know, the weekend...when it would be convenient to lose myself in the moment and conquer step after step. Instead, today, I've been to the hardware store twice, messed up two different projects, cried twice, and completed nothing.

My kitchen taunts me, flaunting its empty, dusty cupboard interiors and ripped-up drywall. How did I forget to plan a backsplash? How far over do I put the fridge? Why doesn't the surround look as I had imagined? What do I do with the dead space next to the range? Am I really scrapping all my hardware options? What if the new hinges don't work? How can I still have so many things to prime and paint; didn't I already prime and paint the whole damn house? Why is there no light fixture that works for over the sink? At what point do I call in professionals to fix and finish the things I messed up?

Also having an unrelated but amusing existential crisis, the kind where I look around and realize my overwhelming lack of impact on the world, on my world. Unrelated, yes, but it very much complements the increasingly non-functional kitchen. And at what point do I call in professionals to fix that mess?

All I'd really like to do at the moment is climb into bed with a good book. Until summertime. Of the year 2025.

Just for the record.

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