Sunday, February 14, 2016

here's a list of things I hate. for love day.

I'm not sure why I'm stuck in a sneaky hate spiral today, especially considering it's Valentine's Day. I assure you, the fact that it's Valentine's Day isn't the problem. It was wonderful opening little thoughtful gifts with my sweet family this morning (a stuffed BB-8 for Rowan, a framed watercolor painting of Rowan for J.J., and sugar for me), and we went to a lovely brunch with my dad, siblings, nieces, and nephews.

But then we went back home.

And while I rocked Rowan (in what was ultimately a fruitless attempt to get her to sleep), all the hateful thoughts came crashing down on me.

So here. Here's a list of things I hate right now, even though it's a totally assholey privileged list of bullshit, which makes me also meta-hate the list itself.

:: I hate that it's cold as balls outside. I don't care that it was 60 degrees on Christmas Eve and that it'll be 50 degrees again by the end of the week; I just hate the cold and want it to be summer.

:: Or I want to go on a tropical vacation, and I hate that I can't. I hate that I can't even take my family somewhere for the weekend. I hate that Rowan's never spent the night away from this house, and I hate that the only times I have (since Rowan was born) were to take care of my mom overnight.

:: I hate that Rowan didn't nap today, especially since she's been staying awake until 9:00 every night lately. I hate that we may be approaching the end of the nap era.

:: I hate that we don't have more preschool options. It's weird - I get warm fuzzy feelings whenever we visit her preschool for the fall, and it's seriously a dreamy place, but I wish it were more than two and a half hours, twice a week. You know how much I can get done in that time? Pretty much nothing. Who knows, maybe I would choose the same school even if I could pick anywhere, but I just wish we had more options.

:: I hate that just the other day my cup was runnething over all over the damn place, and today I hate everything.

:: I hate that, when I tried to fix my printer, I broke it entirely. That's bullshit, printer!

:: I hate that I have emails and bills piling up like mad and zero will to manage them.

:: I hate that I never did little Valentine's Day projects with Rowan like I meant to, and I hate that I still haven't written thank-you cards for her Christmas presents. At least our Christmas tree Martin Luther King, Jr. tree is finally down. 

:: I hate that I feel like a great mom but a terrible wife lately. 

:: I hate opening up my closet and hating all my clothes.

:: I even hate that Walking Dead is back on tonight, because I bet they're gonna kill Glenn, and that's not acceptable.

:: I hate that my house is so gross right now. Not messy (well, messy by my anal standards, but not actually messy), but dirty. I just haven't had time to clean. Someone needs to pick up, to wash all the linens, to shake out the rug, to sweep and wash the floors, and to dust. I hate dusting.

:: I hate when I'm jealous. Which I am. Which I hate.

:: I hate that my contacts are being finicky jerks.

So there! Totally assholey privileged list of bullshit. Haaaate!

At least I have these two for comic relief. Rowan loves to have us read Go The F**k To Sleep, by Adam Mansbach, which somehow made its way into her piles of books. Obviously, we have to clean up the language when we read it to her, which cracks us up every time...which, in turn, cracks Rowan up. She calls it "the funny book." Here's part of this morning's rendition, as you may have seen on Instagram:

All right. I love them a lot.

...But I still feel hatey.


  1. I LOVE this! May I join you?

    ~I hate that every day some damn thing reminds me of the job I lost and I want to cry. Today it was thinking about giving valentines to the kids and the blood drive that was happening at church. (I always used to donate at the hospital blood drives.)
    ~I hate that we are not pregnant yet.
    ~I hate that today is my mom's birthday and I'm not with her.
    ~I hate that I just wrote that because I could get in a car and see my mom in 9 hours, and every day I hold you and your family in my heart because you do not have the same luxury.
    ~I hate that some days I dont feel like doing anything so I sit around and stare at trash TV for 9 hours until my husband comes home.
    ~I hate that on those days I imagine he comes home and thinks "what the hell did you do all day"
    ~I hate that those thoughts are really all me and nothing to do with him.
    ~I hate that it is so cold that my hands are chapped and sting all the damn time.

    1. Okay, I LOVE that you joined me on this!! Dammit, don't make me feel better and happy by joining me...I want to feel HAAAATE! lol. I totally feel you on your list. These are exactly the kinds of things I'm talking about!

    2. Ok have a couple to add
      ~I hate that I attempted to make Chip and I a nice Valentines Day dinner. Nothing I hadn't made before, looked lovely when it came out of the oven.... cut into it... raw chicken!!
      ~Initially I had meant to include that I hate that I feel like a good wife, but a horrible modern empowered woman. Now given the events described above, I hate that I feel like a horrible modern empowered woman and a sub-par 50's house wife.
      ~I hate that I need new jeans because my old favorites are threadbare where my thighs rub together, while my husband needs new jeans because he has lost too much weight and all his are too big.
      Really you are on to something here. This should be a thing!

    3. omg, Blythe, I'm the worst modern empowered woman ever! always whining about wanting nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom! your lists are absolutely hate-worthy.

    4. I also forgot that I have an annoying wrist problem (like a carpal tunnel thing) that hurts like a mofo. I hate it.

  2. And, once again, you have swiped my brain, made it slightly more articulate, and written it down.

    1. "Slightly" more articulate? Haaaaate. Kidding, I love you.

  3. me too! me too!

    :: i hate when we have plans for the day and they don't work out so we are stuck inside instead.
    :: i hate that it's arctic outside and our vent system sucks so our house is both hot and cold, depending on what room you're in.
    :: i hate when people make the noises i hate just to make me hate it.
    :: i hate being between clothes sizes (or, okay, just being fatter than i was before kids) because i have nothing that fits and no desire to buy anything that fits.
    :: i hate that i get irritated with the baby for waking me up in the night but then i miss her when she sleeps through the night.
    :: i hate dishes in the sink and toys on the floor and laundry in the hamper.
    :: i hate that i don't like the fabric i got for my next quilt so i don't want to start it.
    :: i hate the preschool drama. i mean, it's freaking preschool. but it's causing me such grief.
    :: i hate that preschool is seriously going to cost us more than Juho and I paid for college, combined.
    :: i hate overpaid doctors not being able to do their jobs (not all, but some!)
    :: and nurses who take my kid's temperature wrong for three freaking days.
    :: and ones who can't put in an IV so it has to be redone.
    :: really, i hate the hospital and all the stupid time we've spent there lately. even though i am also so so so thankful that we don't have to be there anymore and we have a healthy kid.
    :: i hate shellfish. and the fact that we have to stay up half the night to monitor the toddler, who may have had an allergic reaction to it tonight.
    :: i hate that the tot may not have had a reaction at all, but we're so freaking paranoid after the medical drama lately that her itching her back on the carpet after her bath has us convinced she's going to die of anaphylaxis.
    :: i hate that i just want to watch Top Chef but stupid Hulu keeps cutting out and now i'm stuck watching Parks and Rec on Netflix.
    :: i hate Parks and Rec.
    :: i hate that i hate Parks and Rec. everyone else likes it and i just can't.
    :: i hate how this blog post has me and Juho growling, "HAAAAAAAATE," at everything.

    1. Kendal, you should LOVE growling "HAAAAAAAAATE" at everything! All your other hates are justified. Especially a potential shellfish reaction. :( Although my understanding is that it's highly unlikely that she would have an anaphylactic response after her first exposure, and that it would happen so long after consuming it. (But I'm not a doctor. Not even one who can't do her job.)

      You can fix your Parks and Rec/Hulu problem by watching The Walking Dead seven minutes from now.

      The preschool AND medical drama all needs to end. Stat.

  4. - I hate that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
    - I hate that I have nothing planned for the kids for their week off school, which means we will probably just be lazy (and hopefully finish E's science fair project that we should have been working on for the last, oh, month at least.)
    - I hate how jealous I am of all the Disney World pictures everywhere.
    - I hate that the tax return isn't here yet, but we'll probably have to do all boring stuff with it (see: jealous of Disney World pics.)

    1. Oh, and I hate science fair projects. Blasphemy!

    2. You could go with the kids to check out Kidopolis! And then tell me if I should interview them. :P

      SO JEALOUS of everyone's vacation pictures right now. :( And really unsure if we're going to get a return or if we'll owe, since this is the first year I didn't have an income at all.

      Let's just look forward to Friday night, kay? Kay.

  5. I hate that I have no idea what my life looks like 6 months from now. Screw that... Four months from now. Literally. No idea. How's that for heavy? I hate that I'm a downer right now instead of funny.

    I love that you're funny. I love that these comments made me laugh and smirk as much as your post. But now is not the time for those thoughts and I hate that too.

    Blurg, blurg, blurgity, blurg.

    1. Wait, what?? You mean when you come back to the States? Why don't you have any idea what things will looks like? Now I'm worried about you (which I hate).



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