Thursday, October 1, 2015

TBT to 1993: "All I Have To Get Is JEANS."

Ohhhh my god. OH MY GOD.

I found my journal from when I was in middle school. Oh, it's soooo good, you guys. Have you ever heard of Mortified? It's a forum (website, live storytelling events, compilation books, Podcast) for sharing your super-angsty writings from the tween and teen years. I have their first book, and it's beyond hilarious. This journal of mine...

...belongs in a Mortified hall of fame (shame?). I've been cringing over it all night - over lines like, "I turned over and stared at the TV, not hearing a word that Mark-Paul Gosselaar from SBTB was saying" (March 14, 1992, age eleven). Gotta love how I protected it with my fierce warning: DO NOT READ!!

I just have to share this gem with you from when I was thirteen, which I'll title "All I Have To Get Is Jeans." Here it is in its unedited glory:

December 5, 1993
     What am I supposed to do? What? I've been telling Mom over and over that I needed new jeans, that I only had two pairs. She wouldn't listen. And now one of those pairs has a hole in them. What am I supposed to do? Wear the other pair every day? She considers my jeans "good clothes." She complains that I wear my "good clothes" on the weekends. And I can't get one pair of jeans washed, because then all I have for a week is the other pair, which I wear every day. Gross! But what can I do?
     What should I do? What? I don't know what I'm supposed to do!
     Why has my life been so crappy lately? WHY? WHAT THE HECK DID I DO WRONG? I try my hardest, and I get almost straight A's. Is that so horrible? I really can't see anything wrong with that.
     All I want to do is kill myself. I die. All my problems go away, they're gone, poof. But how do I do that?
     No, killing myself won't work.
     All I have to get is jeans. But Christmas is twenty days away! That means fourteen more school days. Great. Wonderful. Just great. I get to wear dirty jeans until Christmas. Maybe even longer, because I have a feeling that, even though I was really looking forward to this Christmas, this is going to be an awful Christmas.
     Just like the rest of my life.



I'm so glad to know that my angsty and melodramatic journaling had a strong start. My, my, resorting to suicide because my denim selection was tragically limited? Awful Christmas, awful life, EVEN THOUGH I was getting almost straight A's. OH LIFE, YOU CRUEL AND HEARTLESS WENCH.

Yeah. Mortifying.

Happy Thursday, and you're welcome, and oh my god.


  1. this.is.the.best.thing.ive.read.in.a.while. :)

    1. Just wait...I'm pretty certain there's some R.E.M. fan fiction in one of my high school journals. Oy.

  2. Can I come over and just read that whole thing? Pretty sure I could do that in one sitting. Sooooo funny!!!! I also like that you chose to accentuate "private" on the cover. ;)

    1. I'm certain that double-layer of privacy warnings kept out all four of my siblings, as well as my parents. I'm so glad I was thorough. And yes, come over and let's read ALL of my journals!!



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