Tuesday, January 19, 2016

totally TMI Tuesday.

So like. The good news is that my new little Etsy business is booming (hooray!), and that I had what seemed like a successful interview today for a fun, albeit infrequent, freelance writing position. The bad news is, all that means I've been very busy, so the only blog fodder I have today falls under the category of "things normal people probably definitely don't want to know and that I probably definitely shouldn't share, but why start having boundaries now?"

We'll call this a PSA.

A Pee-S-A, actually.

(Oh my god I highly advise that you just stop reading now.)

Maybe I went to the grocery store by myself when J.J. got back to town Saturday night. Maybe I was feeling giddy with freedom, as my temporary solo parenting duties had just been relieved. Maybe I went wild and bought a big bag of dried cranberries.

Maybe I ate the whole bag over the course of the next twenty-four hours. The whole bag. Maybe.

Maybe on Monday my body protested the massive cranberry consumption, and maybe I had to hightail it to my doctor's office that evening because certain things were, I don't know, the color of cranberries. (My pee, okay? My pee.) Maybe they were unconvinced that the cranberries were the culprit, and so maybe now I have to be seen by nephrology next week. And do you know what nephrology wants me to collect prior to the appointment? Mm-hmm, that's right. And do you know where that collection needs to be stored?

Maybe don't drink any...apple juice...from my fridge over the next couple days.

(I TOLD you to stop reading. Remember? You have only yourself to blame.)

What's especially fun is that now I'm having phantom pains in my belly that are either:
     (a) acute dysfunctional bladder implosions
     (b) kidney tumors doing somersaults
     (c) the cranberries revolting
     (d) anxiety over what is surely incurable kidney and bladder death
     (e) psychosomatic nothingness

So, here's the PeeSA I promised you: Don't eat an entire fucking bag of dried cranberries in one day. Maybe you already knew that. Maybe everyone else is the world is totally grossed out by even the thought of doing that. MAYBE SCREW ALL OF YOU, with your common sense and uncolorful pee.

Here's a cute video to wash your brain clean after reading this. Rowan has been really into pretending she is one of a number of other significant grown-ups in her life - her gymnastics coach, her teacher at play group, the children's librarian. Tonight, she was pretending to be Miss Sarah, who sings and plays guitar at library story time. (The song Rowan's singing is "Bell Horses," and she totally nails it!)

There. Are your eyes sufficiently cleansed after reading about my kidney function, or lack thereof? Good. Sorry about that, and let's all cross our fingers that nephrology just laughs me right out the clinic.

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  1. Yay for the booming Etsy business! And this just proves the DANGER in going to the grocery store alone, without a toddler to distract from ALL THE CRANBERRIES. But maybe it was worth being so free (and so wild). Good luck at your appointment!

    1. There's still a handful of cranberries in the pantry that I really, really want to eat. #NO

  2. Hi! Stopping by from Mom Bloggers Club. Great blog!
    Have a nice day!



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