Monday, January 25, 2016

a year from now.

I can't decide what the universe is trying to tell me.

Is it trying to tell me that I can never predict what might happen? Or that I'm the only one who can predict what will happen?

At the risk of sounding completely full of woo, it feels like fantasies of mine are starting to manifest. Like, dreams coming true, life getting flip-turned upside down, magic blooming...that kind of stuff. And all I can keep thinking is: Would I have predicted any of this a year ago?

Mostly, the answer is no. I wouldn't have guessed, a year ago, that I'd start having my writing published, or that I'd end up with two separate (very part-time) freelance positions. I absolutely would not have guessed that I'd be generating any sort of income from a freaking Etsy shop. And I was afraid to guess whether I'd still be a stay-at-home mom or not. That has been the single biggest - and most surprising - dream come true to date. 

I mean, it works the other way, too. Life has taken some frustrating, unpleasant, and downright crummy turns in the last twelve months. This time last year, we could plop Rowan in her crib at 7:00, and she'd be snoozing by 7:15 at the latest - none of her now-standard hours of bedtime shenanigans. This time last year, I had no clue that we'd soon be scheduling every-six-month dermatology appointments to monitor the progress of Rowan's vitiligo. This time last year, I assumed we'd have or be expecting another baby by now, and I never thought we'd have to postpone pregnancy until we get to the bottom of my kidney issues (which I still think are a fluke, but apparently, that's up to nephrology to determine). And this time last year, I'd put off calling my mom back because...that's just what you do sometimes, when you don't know you only have a few months left with her.

If you had told me this time last year that I'd have a day exactly like today, I'd have laughed at you, at the absurdity and amazingness of it all. Let's say it's January of 2015, and you're telling me about the kind of day I'll have today, in 2016. You'd say:

  • Your two-year-old will wake up at her new-normal time of 7:15 (not 5:00!) and chatter in her crib for awhile.
  • You'll kiss your husband goodbye as he heads out for a job that doesn't exist in January 2015.
  • You'll have a debate with your sweet girl about semantics...which will kinda blow your mind.
  • You and Rowan will go to story time at the library, where she's the "big kid" now.
  • At the library, you'll meet up with a friend to drop off three paintings you made for her kids. Yeah, no, I said paintings.
  • You'll spend nap time applying to a preschool for Rowan; commiserating with your mom group friends about toddler drama; and accepting a writing position with a local organization that you totally love and admire.
  • While Rowan is at Grandma's house in the afternoon, you'll swing by the post office to mail off another painting order.
  • And you'll listen to an NPR segment about the frontrunner for the Republican Presidential nomination, who is...wait for it...Donald Trump.
  • At 8:45 that night, while you're trying to finish a blog post (for the blog that you actually update regularly now!), you'll have to go upstairs to tuck your daughter back in, because she's still awake and her pillow is "too high."

What would I have said to all of these predictions? Does it matter? They still seem mostly unbelievable to me, even after living them today. And while I'm in no hurry to rush through this sweet, sweet, dream-come-true time of my life, I'm beyond curious to know what it'll all be like a year from now.

Let's dream for a minute. Like - hey. This is what your life will be like, a year from today:
  • Your three-year-old will sleep past 7:30, which is great, because you're due with Baby No. 2 soon, and you need all the sleep you can get.
  • You'll kiss your husband goodbye as he heads out for the job that he still can't believe he gets to go to.
  • You'll have a debate with your sweet girl about hurrying up on the potty.
  • You'll drop Rowan off at her co-op preschool, and you'll head back home to do some quick chores. And, let's be real, to spend some quality time with Netflix.
  • You'll spend afternoon nap time counting your lucky stars that your three-year-old naps at all...and getting some work done. You have writing deadlines coming up and blog sponsors to respond to.
  • While Rowan is at Grandma's house in the afternoon, you'll run some baby-related errands. You'll spot an adorable newborn outfit and you won't feel guilty dropping $20 on it, because you're no longer needing to pinch every single solitary penny.
  • And you'll listen to an NPR segment about President Sanders's new student loan forgiveness policy. Hooray, you qualify!
  • At 8:45 that night, Rowan will be long asleep, and you'll be finishing some more work (from the couch, natch). Funny how you spend just as much time writing/working as you did in January 2016, but that now you're making a respectable living from it!

It could happen. You never know. But also - it feels like the universe is pretty much saying, "You do know. You do. Make it happen, cap'n."

What about you? What's different in your life today that you wouldn't have imagined (or were too scared to imagine) a year ago? What were the big surprises - the good, the bad, the ugly? I really think our collective answers are meaningful, and, importantly, that you have nothing to lose by starting to dream now.

(Rowan's like, "A year ago, my goals involved finding the optimal surfaces on which to wipe my nose. My goals remain the same today, and will surely be the same in January 2017. Also, Mommy let me eat half her Jimmy John's sandwich today, so I'm pretty much set for life in terms of dreams come true.")

dream come true (the sandwich for her...the scene for me).
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  1. Fingers crossed that I also qualify for President Sanders' loan forgiveness!!!

    1. I'm even more excited about President Sanders's plan for free public university tuition!

  2. Mm, Jimmy John's. Such an interesting post (and not just because of the sandwich). This January is very different from last January, that's for sure -- still trying to determine which pieces fall into good, bad, and ugly.

    1. Seems like mostly good, right?? New baby, shiny new writing career, winning a major writing award...I guess the cross-country move is still suspect. :)



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