Friday, January 30, 2015

where to wipe your nose in my house: a visual guide for toddlers.

{Guest post by Rowan B.}

Snot happens, right? And where to wipe is an awkward guessing game that can ruin even the best play date. Well, banish your worries now. Should your snot-runs coincide with a visit to my house, please be assured that I have spent many of my sixteen months of life subjecting various household surfaces to empirical testing. I've deemed only a few worthy of wiping, which I present below for reference.

a visual guide for toddlers

Microfiber couch, family room
Does not clean off well, making it easier to find
your preferred spot the next time you need to wipe.

Large dog, play room
Mama still doesn't believe she can put this huge stuffed doggie in the laundry,
which just makes it more fun, you know? (P.S. Mama: The dog is more washing-
machine-friendly than your Kindle, and yet...you washed that? SMH.) 

Toilet paper roll, downstairs bathroom
Please note that you should wipe directly on the roll of
toilet paper, not remove a piece and then blow your nose.

Stainless steel oven, kitchen
There is a dish towel hanging on the oven handle. THIS IS NOT A
TISSUE. Your target is the quite-stained stainless steel oven surface.

Broom bristles, kitchen pantry
Yes, the broom BRISTLES.

Mama's pillow, Mama & Dada's room
Ahhhhh. Right?!

Plastic crib rail guard, nursery
If your runny nose is due to teething, please also feel free to fling the
rail guard across the room and gnaw on the wooden crib rail.
See where I started a chunk for you? Seriously, it helps.

Full-length mirror, guest bedroom
This one is best utilized when Mama is pumping right behind
you, but can't quiiiite reach you to stop you from wiping.

Green rug, guest bedroom
Underneath those white paper-y toys is a plush green wiping surface.
It's from Ikea, so I think it's how Swedish kids wipe their noses.

There you have it! I hope you find this guide useful during your next visit. Have a great weekend!
- Rowan

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