pop quiz, hotshot.

Ugh. Nerves are getting the best of me tonight, and for no good reason. It's not like I love anxiety that has a legitimate(-ish) reason, but I freakin' hate free-floating anxiety. My mind constantly grasps at potential sources - the ultrasound tomorrow? The father of someone close to me being gravely ill? J.J. going away for the weekend? - but nothing takes root. It's all of that, and none of that. It's just there, hovering, lingering, smothering. Even through beautiful weather. Even through feeling the ping-pong-ball kicks of the baby in me. Even through excitement about summer plans. Even through a lovely dinner with my adorable niece and awesome sister-in-law, which included shopping in her maternity wardrobe, half of which I ended up borrowing. Through it all - bam, there's the clenched stomach and sweaty palms. What gives?

So I'm trying to re-route my brain tonight. Pop quiz question #1: What soothes the savage Cathy? Why, compulsive list-making, of course! I know it sounds dumb, but planning helps. Screw it, I'm going with it. Don't pretend you don't love lists, too.


Nursery To-Do List:

• Sell rug, glider chair and ottoman, keyboard, record player and receiver, desk chair, dresser, and bookcase (and, while I'm at it, the microwave, the toaster oven, the television, and the sink/faucet) DONE
• Organize the books, binders, and boxes; find new homes for remaining items
• Find nursery inspiration pictures DONE
• Choose a paint color DONE
• Figure out who's going to paint DONE
• Figure out how to fix the ceiling goofs from four  years ago DONE? (crown moulding?)
• Remove the hanger bar and bifold door from the closet DONE
• Prep to prime: sand, scrape, caulk and spackle the window trim and the closet interior; remove outlet covers and heating vent covers DONE
• Prime and test paint possibilities DONE
• Paint the walls (not including closet yet) (one more coat to go)
• Buy crown and shoe moulding (J.J. does install...sorry, love)
• Paint moulding and window/door trim
• Find color for closet interior
• Paint closet interior
• Replace beige and/or painted-over outlets and light switch with new white ones
• Replace ceiling light
• Choose, order, and assemble crib, changing table, and glider
• Choose and order a rug
• Install clothing rods and shelves in the closet
• Find fabric for crib skirt and curtains, including curtain for the closet
• Enlist someone else to make the crib skirt and curtains
• Hang curtains
• Buy/make art for walls
• Birthe baby who can utilize the finished room

Crib, maybe? (From here)

Dresser/changing table, maybe? (From here)

Crown moulding, maybe?

I know. I know it's silly to plan it all out like this. And anal retentive for REAL. But there's a baby kicking inside of me, and I already love it like mad, so whatever gets me - us - through...

Speaking of "it" - pop quiz question #2: boy or girl? I don't put too much stock in this initial reveal of the sex (since the gender reveal may not be for - decades, who knows?), but I am pretty damn excited to find out if I'm having a son or a daughter. Those words still seem foreign to me, at least in relation to me. Tomorrow...will be good. (SHUT UP ANXIETY YES IT WILL.)

18 weeks, 2 days
That looks...significantly bigger than it feels.