Tuesday, April 16, 2013

if we only knew.

Near-Daily Reasons I Scare Myself that I'm Pretty Sure I Potentially Might Possibly Maybe Miscarry:

  1. Because I didn't eat a proper breakfast.

  2. Because I swung a preschooler up over my shoulder and felt a tug in my abdomen. 

  3. Because I keep moving furniture around and carrying heavy boxes up and down two flights of stairs.

Boxes of books. Many, many books.

  4. Because I'm not as hungry/sleepy/nauseated/crampy today as I was yesterday.

  5. Because I ate those eggs from the salad bar.

  6. Because I've smothered my chin in perioral dermatitis cream (prescribed by my dermatologist, who was aware of my pregnancy, and okayed by my OB) twice a day since Week 8, and surely it's teratogenic.

  7. Because I inhaled fiberglass insulation dust when I moved that old light fixture. 

Sketchy yellow insulation, stage right. Or left. I always forget.

  8. Because I ate a casserole with a cream of chicken base, and I haven't had chicken in at least ten years.

  9. Because bad things happen to good people.

10. Because a range of food beyond fruit and fountain Coke tastes good again.

11. Because I received a baby gift.

12. Because the yellow room is almost cleared out.

13. Because I told everyone about the pregnancy.

14. Because I keep waking up on my back in bed. ALL THE TIME. And I can't remember at what point in pregnancy you're not supposed to do that anymore.

15. Because I looked at baby furniture at Target.

16. Because the Internet.

17. Because Beyonce had a miscarriage awhile back. And Gwyneth.

18. Because I pinned a bunch of nursery inspiration pictures (like below, from here and here).

19. Because my stomach is smaller today than it was yesterday.

20. Because those apples weren't organic.

(Note: Yep, this is just how my mind works. I don't take the threat of miscarriage lightly, and I don't think miscarriages are funny. At all. I do, however, think my magical anxiety thought patterns are pretty funny. These are actual occurrences that led me to think, "Welp, that's it. It's probably over now.")

(Note Part Deux: It's hard not knowing for sure what's going on inside. Here's hoping my growing midsection is because of the baby and isn't just late-winter muffin top.)

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