Wednesday, September 2, 2015

for when you're not sure.

I drove across town today with you in the back seat. I might be the only person in the world so eager to hear your running commentary: "Raining. Raining harder now. Big thunder? Noooo, just little thunder. Pool later, raining. I like dis song!" Half the sky was a bruised expanse of storm clouds; half the sky was classic September - crystal-blue, close enough to touch.

Rowan, these days with you are the best days of my life. Sometimes, my mind wanders to the season in your life when you'll question yourself and your worth. You don't question that at all right now - no, as a toddler, your self-worth is a given. But when that day comes? When you're not sure? I want you to remember this.

You are worthy of:

:: Friendship, and friendliness, too.

:: Making your own decisions about your body.

:: Decorative Band-Aids.

:: Being spoiled by Gramma.

:: Crying for me at two in the morning and getting cuddles within a minute.

:: Finding alternatives for soothing yourself when Mama's not there.

:: Pushing the boundaries and limits...and having them enforced.

Some day, she'll make that big red ball outside of Target roll away. #goals

:: Cowering against my leg in a new place.

:: Assuming your family will always be there for you.

:: Yelling "STOP PLEASE" when the tickling is too much.

:: Days that seem like the Best Day Ever...until the next Best Day Ever comes along.

:: Parents who will always do the best they can with the information they have.

:: Carrying your own purse. And also having someone else carry your purse from time to time.

:: Swimming and swinging and sliding to your heart's content.

:: Honey to help your cough, and an extra big squeeze from me when your face lights up and you exclaim, "I love dat honey!"

:: Every grin flashed your way when you jump through the library muttering, "Hopping...hopping...hopping..."

:: Stability, strength, freedom, compassion, and attention. Peace, debate, silliness, and vulnerability. Optimism. Novelty. Balance.

:: Gaudy stickers from your favorite grocery store, "The Kroger."

:: Listening to your favorite songs and stories over and over and over (and over).

:: Pretending to be a "little baby" so I'll swaddle you in your towel and rock you after your bath.

:: Choosing between "two more minutes" and "three more minutes" before you get a diaper change.

:: All the love. Every bit of it. And then some.

:: Dancing in the rain in your pajamas at bedtime.

:: Being yourself, without question, without qualms.

:: All the Elsa and Anna crap out there. (Not that you're getting it all.)

:: Deciding which riding toy to take on our neighborhood walks (bike? motorcycle? dump truck?), and then abandoning it one-quarter of the way to our destination, leaving me to haul it along.

:: Education - quality education, safe education, nurturing education, playful education, affordable education.

:: Understanding that if you don't have some of these things at any given moment, it's not because you're not worthy of them. It's because it's time to wait.


And on that note: Can you help me remember all of these, too? About myself? For when I'm not sure.

I sure do love you, sweet baby.

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