three-quarters, part two.

So the nursery is three-quarters of the way done, but guess what else is?

Yep! The babe. That's her, two weeks ago. For those of you who have trouble interpreting ultrasound pictures, that's her head and chest - facial profile looking upwards. (Try explaining that to my father-in-law, because I did. And failed.) 

I'm 30 weeks and change now, which seems unreal. I can tell I'm starting to get closer to the end, though, because I have a million little reminders every single day.

1. My co-preggos are starting to pop. A cluster of my friends, my co-workers, and - yes - celebrities have been pregnant at the same time as me, and one by one, they're squeezing out babies. On the one hand, this is really comforting: Here are women I've spoken with personally (well, not so much Princesses Kim and Kate, but, you know) about the triumphs, trials, and tribulations of pregnancy, and they've made it to the other side. That's encouraging! On the other hand, I distinctly remember thinking during my first trimester that I would know I was getting close when this person or that person gave birth...and it's staaartinggg. Yikes.

2. Certain decisions have (finally) been made - like registries, birth classes, and child care arrangements. Naturally, since there's still a good chunk of time left, other decisions are lingering, such as whether or not we can actually afford the child care arrangements we've made, and the small matter of a name for this new human being. If only celeb babies (ahem, NORTH and GEORGE) would stop stealing my top name contenders... (Kidding; I have no name contenders right now.)

3. I started counting down the weeks instead of counting them up. That just started a few days ago, when I realized I have roughly 10 weeks to go. 

4. I've officially hit the stage where something is always slightly uncomfortable. Really, I've loved being pregnant so far, and I know - and am constantly grateful - that I've had a pretty easy time of it. The last two weeks or so, though, random discomforts have emerged, and I can't say I'm super fond of them. My left shoulder blade hurts every time I eat (gas? Heartburn? Stomach being shoved into my shoulder blade? I dunno). If I slouch at all, my whole upper back seizes up. If I'm out in the raging summer heat and sunshine for more than about an hour, I start feeling sick (not so good, considering I spend every afternoon - and some mornings - outside for work). I keep losing most of my hearing in my right ear, which got severe enough (including dizziness, nausea, and disorientation) that I actually saw a doctor about it; his oh-so-helpful prescription was to wait a few months and then give birth, which will relieve the swelling and fluid retention that are causing the hearing loss. THX DR. I've also been having mild contractions, which don't hurt; they're just annoying, and they make me feel like my insides might...fall out or something, you know, NBD. I'm definitely in the pee-all-the-time stage, which doesn't help with sleeping, which was already disrupted by the can't-roll-over-without-waking-up-and-consciously-planning-how-to stage. My sciatic nerve likes to remind me of its presence for about an hour a day. And there are other awesome pregnancy presents that not everyone will mention, but pretty much everyone gets them, so what the hell? Hemorrhoids, milk leakage, and...other fun leakage. Just once, but HOORAY.

5. I'm starting to think less about pregnancy and think more about birth. I procrastinated signing up for a birthing class, so I may end up missing some of the four-week class that I finally registered for, considering it overlaps with my due date. Whatever - the baby's coming (and likely after my due date, anyway), whether I know how to visualize and breeeeathe or not. But I did realize that once the pregnancy is over, we will, with any luck, have a baby to raise. Yeah. Minor detail. Forgot about that side effect of pregnancy for a while there.

6. And the biggest daily reminder that things are progressing? The mirror. Or in this case, the camera.

26 weeks

27 weeks

28 weeks

29 weeks

30 weeks

Thankfully, everything seems to be progressing well. My blood pressure and weight gain are good, and I'm getting used to the shock (emotional and physical) of being almost 20 pounds heavier than I'm used to. Everything went well with the extra ultrasound - the umbilical cord implanted in a good spot, Baby is in the 60th percentile for growth, and there aren't any placental ventricles covering the cervix (which could have caused hemorrhaging when my water broke). The ultrasound doctor guy even mentioned that all other mammals, besides humans, have the kind of placenta that I have - that is, bilobed. Only humans have a boring pancake placenta. Then he cleared his throat and said, "Please don't call my office in a rage, complaining that I called you 'less than human,' okay? It's just a fun anthropological fact." Love it! He cracked me up, which I appreciate in a doctor who surely has to deliver crappy/nebulous news to anxious parents all the time. Obviously, the best part of the extra ultrasound was getting to watch the baby move around again, which is always awesome and reassuring. (Ultrasound tech: "So, looks like she's sitting on your bladder..." MM-HMM THANKS YEP.) Of course, these days, I can sit and watch the exterior show of my belly bulging out with a head or a bottom here and there - surreal, crazy, amazing. The other night, I was reading in bed and put my book down for a minute on my belly while I reached for something, and J.J. was able to see the book move in waves as the baby rolled around inside! Just. Plain. Incredible.

Three-quarters - not a bad place to be, in my opinion. I'm still enjoying being pregnant, and I don't mind waiting a few more months to meet this little girl of mine. Although...it's pretty frightening to think about what my belly will look like three months from now. After all, here's a side-by-side comparison of the difference three months can make:

That's 18 weeks and 30 weeks. How is it possible that the baby still has most of her growing to do?! Picture me gazing vacantly past my computer in a terrified fog of OMG MY BELLY MIGHT EXPLODE BEFORE OCTOBER. Please, belly...don't explode. Because ugh, mess, etc. 

three-quarters, part one.

Three-quarters of the way done.

With the nursery, with the pregnancy. Let's just process that for a minute.

Aaand processing over. Let's check out the nursery for now, since that occupies roughly three-quarters of my mind at any given moment. Truth: I may be a more dedicated room-remodeler than belly-grower...but whatever. Working on this room is just so much fun (she said, after agonizing [a relative term] over fabrics all afternoon). 

Here's where we are with The Crib:

Coming along, eh? Although, disclaimer: That chair is a placeholder for a glider that is on its way. It's the most uncomfortable chair ever, one that I purchased on a whim during freshman year of college and for some stupid reason haven't been able to part with. It's usually in our bedroom, but I wanted to test out dimensions, etc., so it's chilling in the nursery for the time being. Hopefully, the glider will get here soon and the butterfly chair will return to its grand purpose of holding all of our dirty clothes, which are obviously so much easier to throw on the chair than in the hamper. ANYWAY. As you can see in the above pic, the changing table is set to go (minus the, uh, changing pad); we put the crib together (first moment of HOLY CRAP A BABY WILL SLEEP HERE panic); and I found a storage ottoman, floor lamp, and some cute Homegoods picture frames. Also...

...the rug was delivered (although it still needs to flatten out and air out), and J.J. installed a new ceiling light to replace the old, ugly black porch light that used to be there. Side note: the light bulbs for the ceiling light each cost the same amount as the fixture itself ($12.99). No joke.

The other side of the room has gotten some attention, too, having gone from this:

To this:

I finished painting the closet (Benjamin Moore's Blue Seafoam), and I added this shelving unit from Ikea, along with three turquoise fabric bins from Target on the top shelf. Actually, this picture is from a few days ago - now there's a clothing rod and some hangers, too.

What's left at this point? Well, I'm going to make some rain gutter bookshelves - a couple on the dead wall next to the closet, since the door swings open onto that wall and nothing else can really go there, and a couple on the wall on the other side of the door. I'm still hunting down the perfect lamp for the changing table, as well as some cute art and mobile options, which may end up being DIY/may end up being purchased through Etsy or something. I also still need to decide on fabrics for the crib skirt, window curtains, and closet curtain. Current top contenders (the list changes weekly daily hourly) include:

Those three are all from joann.com, but the top one - my long-standing fave - was discontinued while I wavered back and forth. Sad face. 

But moving on...

The lime in this one (from here) looks sort of obnoxious here, but it looks better on the website - who knows how it would actually look in person? Either way, Mamatots, A.K.A. the Fabric Genius, was able to hunt down a more affordable version of it, so it's still in the running. But then this afternoon I found a few other potentials...

(For the window curtains, from here)

(For the crib skirt and closet curtain, from here)

(Another crib skirt/closet curtain option, from here)

Definitely riding the struggle wave in terms of picking out fabric, but at least I'm starting to narrow it down. By widening the field of options? I don't know - it feels like I'm getting close, anyway! 

Speaking of getting close, summer camp - and summer in general - is officially halfway over. In my head, when camp ends, birth is imminent. ZOINKS. I mean, to be real, the birth could still be four to six weeks AFTER camp ends, but still! This is partially why I channel my energy into the nursery; it just seems a tad bit more manageable than a newborn...who turns into a toddler, a preschooler, and grade schooler, a tween, AND BEYOND. Plus, it's just fun to watch progress like this:

Ta-da! What can I say...I love watching (and making) things change like that!

(Stay tuned for Part Two, featuring other things that are three-quarters of the way finished - namely, the belly and the baby!)

hormones to harmony.

Sometimes I wish for weird things. Like, I wish I had certain random days of my life on video so I could go back and watch them. Not the big days, necessarily; more like, you know, a random Thursday when I was fourteen. Or the start of second semester of junior year of college. Just so I could see my past self from my current vantage point, with the perspective only time can offer. Also? I think it'd be cool to see, when I die, collections of The Things That Were Cathy. Like a pile representing all the apples I've ever eaten. Or the t-shirts I've owned, or the books I've read. AND, I'd love to see a reel of moments in my life that were near-death experiences, especially the ones I didn't realize had happened.

Right, so I wish for weird things. Today, though, my primary wish is to be able to erase the last week or so. It's not that anything tragic happened. In fact, parts of it were absolutely wonderful. My oldest sister and her two adorable kids were in town to help celebrate my dad's retirement, and I love love loved being able to spend time with my whole family. I don't want to erase those memories. Buuut on the flipside, I had two of my top ten Most Stressful Work Days ever; I overextended myself physically and emotionally; I hit wall after wall; and I succumbed to some major meltdowns that were a direct result of exhaustion, stress, and hormones.

For some reason, it was easier to come to terms with my limitations during my first trimester. Maybe it's because I felt sick, so it made more sense to treat myself as if I were ill? It also just felt so out of my control - I had no choice but to take that nap or eat that one special food that sounded good. My second trimester, in contrast, has been a breeze physically. Other than intermittently pulling muscles because I dare to perform such feats as, say, rolling over in bed, I've felt awesome - tons of energy, minimal aches and pains, still doing most of my normal summertime activities: evening walks, swimming, bike riding, the occasional jog, etc. And while mah belly has definitely grown, it hasn't been ballooning out week by week the way it felt like it was for a while there.

23 weeks, 2 days

24 weeks, 2 days

25 weeks, 2 days

So the second trimester almost became a subconscious challenge of making myself perform as my normal, non-pregnant self would. Results? FAIL. Noooot a good idea.

First, I had a (minor) scare with a perceived decrease in the baby's movements. To start, I haven't been monitoring them as closely as I'm supposed to. Apparently, you're supposed to lay still for an hour twice a day (YEAH RIGHT) and count the baby's kicks, charting them meticulously to watch for "significant decreases." There are accounts all over the interwebz of noticing a decreasing trend and consequently saving an endangered baby's life, but I've been walking a fine line between over-the-top compulsions (doing kick counts seventeen times a day) and total laissez-faire (ignoring any patterns of movement). I think I've struck a good balance - I'm familiar with her more active times, I know how what gets her moving, and I've done kick counts here and there to get a sense of what her typical patterns are. But then, for an entire evening, night, and morning last week, I barely felt her move at all. It freaked me out enough to finally email my OB for her thoughts on whether I should get checked out. She urged me to go to triage anytime I was really scared about a decrease in movement, but also to try finding a quiet space for a little while and drinking some cold juice. It was the third day of summer camp, and "finding a quiet space for a little while" seemed nearly impossible, but so was the thought of heading to the hospital for monitoring. I made myself take a break with a cold drink. That did the trick right away - and I admit I did feel comforted knowing that pregnant women get checked out in triage all the time, and that the people in triage wouldn't (outwardly) judge me if I went in to be monitored for a half hour or so, just for peace of mind.

The rest of the week had ups and downs; in short, work was a roller coaster, and I didn't go home directly after work at all last week. Like I said, I had family in town and was doing fun things with them - dinners and photo shoots and swimming and hanging out - but the combo of stressful work days, a sharp increase in physical activity, busy evenings, and less sleep than usual caught up with me. I (regretfully) canceled our plans to go biking with friends on Saturday night and rested instead. Well, I also spent a couple hours working with J.J. to turn this:

...into what will be our changing table:

Hemnes dresser from Ikea

But even though I took it easy on Saturday, I was (a) frustrated with my limitations, and (b) more hormonal than I realized. I spent most of Sunday afternoon and evening dealing with uncontrollable crying jags. The realization that my third trimester is approaching next week, and that we still haven't done some key tasks - such as finding out how maternity leave works for me - hit me full-force, and I just. Felt. Completely. Overwhelmed. Poor J.J. got caught in the crossfire of my hormonal outburst(s), and I couldn't even pull myself together to issue an apology until the next day.

Speaking of the next day - this past Monday - I had my monthly check-up with my OB, and she ended up ordering an ultrasound to check on the status of my placenta and the umbilical cord. I have what's considered a "normal variance" of the placenta - it's bilobed and wraps around the front and sides of my uterus. We found this out during the 18-week ultrasound, and the doctor explained that the only concerns in my particular situation are making sure the umbilical cord implanted in a nutrient-rich portion of the placenta (which, given the fetal growth rate, it clearly has), and ensuring during delivery that all parts of the placenta come out (which is easy to determine via ultrasound). That doc actually said we didn't even need to do a follow-up ultrasound, as long as the fetal growth rate remained steady - which it has  - but my OB suggested another one anyway. Half of me was thrilled at the prospect of glimpsing my baby girl again, and the other half was terrified (shocker, I know) that she was concerned about something (thus ordering the u/s), and that the ultrasound will show issues.

I went right from that appointment to the blood draw clinic at the hospital to do my glucose tolerance test, and I called J.J. to make sure he'd be able to come to the ultrasound in two weeks. Since he works at the hospital, he offered to come meet me in Fetal Diagnostics (where I had gone to schedule the ultrasound), and I'm so glad he did. I was finally able to apologize for All The Crazy I threw his way the day before, which he of course insisted was partially justified and no big deal. And then he just held me for a little while so I could collect myself. 

It was exactly what I needed. My mood turned around, and I'm back to feeling more like myself (i.e., a relatively stable human being). I know there's still a lot of major things we need to take care of - and I'm not talking about finding cute curtains for the nursery, but things like finding the right childbirth class, birth plan, pediatrician, and health insurance options - but at least for now, it seems manageable. I'm no longer in a panicked state where I'm staring wild-eyed at the ceiling thinking, holy shit, what have I done? What did I get myself into? I know those moments will come back, especially in the postpartum days. However, if I learned anything from this weekend, it's that I can't control when those moments will come - but I also can't trust them. They're not the whole truth. They're part of the truth, because yeah, having a kid will be overwhelming at times and, as they say, will change everything. But the massive sense of drowning in my own mess of creating another life for which I am totally responsible - that will come and go, just like any other emotion. So for now, while it seems possible, why not focus on the positive feelings? The excitement, the wondering about what she'll be like and who she'll look like, the absolute alienesque experience of watching another human being move in my belly....Those positive feelings are part of my dream come true. Better to run with those instead.

And when I can't? Well, that's what partners are for. And friends. And Rice Krispie treats.

progress, nursery-style.

Saturday was one of those great weekend days when the stars aligned and stuff got DONE. Little, everyday stuff - laundry, making a delish breakfast, doing the dishes, picking up the house, dusting (ugh. worst.), sweeping - as well as bigger (or at least not as frequent) stuff: staining more fence pieces, reorganizing my closet, shaking out the bedroom rug, caulking and painting the crown moulding, painting the nursery closet ceiling and shelves. Yes, good times, feeling productive, etc. We even wrapped up our house chores that evening in time to head over to Cap'n Frosty, the site of our first date ever, which was 10 years ago this past Friday. Cray-zay.

So long for now, clothes that don't fit well these days. I
hope I see you again in...well, let's say this time next year?

Aaaand then there was Sunday. When the aisles were too crowded at Ikea and I wanted to shove Allen wrenches into eyeballs. When the lawn mower broke (again). When the screws were too long for the new vent covers. When I found out they discontinued my face sunscreen - the one kind I've found that I'm not wildly allergic to. When I ran out of caulk. When three different stores didn't have any Orange-Glo to help fix up the nursery floors. I know, I know, big sad first-world problems, but nothing like a counterproductive Sunday (which seems to be a pattern) to take the wind out of Saturday's sails. At least I unlocked the next Candy Crush episode.

And I didn't poke out any eyeballs. Or meatballs. Also bought
the dresser we'll use as a changing table. Small victories?

Sunday's anti-progress aside, the nursery is definitely coming along. The crown moulding is 100% finished, and it's amazing what a little a crapload of caulk and paint can do.

Not sure why the walls look beige here. Trust
me, they're not. Lavender, maybe. Beige, no.

Anytime you do crown moulding, you're going to have to go back with caulk and paint to make it look more seamless. That goes double for an older house like ours, where the ceilings and walls are no longer flat and at perfect angles with one another. In this room, the moulding seemed to pull away from the ceiling more than from the wall, so I went around and caulked the entire top edge. There were a couple places along the bottom of the moulding where I needed to caulk bigger gaps, but the bottom was, thankfully, mostly flush with the wall. 

I never actually use painter's tape when I'm painting, but it's the bomb when I'm caulking.

I went little by little around the room, taping off portions of the ceiling, caulking the edge of the moulding, and running my finger along the caulk line to smooth it out. I kept a wet washcloth nearby to wipe off the caulk off my fingers (make that double entendre a double, please, sir). I also filled in the nail holes with caulk as I went, and I removed the Frog Tape as quickly as possible - partly to preserve the straight line before the caulk started to dry, and partly because whatever the previous owners used to paint the ceiling suuucks, and it started peeling off in a couple places when I left the Frog Tape on too long. Not Frog Tape's fault - previous owners' fault.

Partially caulked

Once the caulk was dry, I did a quick sweep with a Magic Eraser around the room to clean up some of the major smudges and scrapes that J.J. and his dad left behind during the battle for the crown. Thankfully, they all wiped off easily. Then I did an easy coat of off-the-shelf, no-VOC, semi-gloss white paint on all the crown moulding, and?

Ahhh. Looking much better. You know, minus the random piles of painting tools and such. Oh, and in the small-changes-big-impact department, we changed out all the old, crusty, black outlets with new, white, child-safe outlets (and a new white light switch to boot, replacing the paint-encrusted old one). You can see one of the new outlets in the picture above. 

Again: Ahhh. So fresh and so clean-clean. Need a "before" for comparison? Yeah, me, too.

This is, like, before-before.

All in all, looking better. And although Sunday was anti-progress, there are a few things on the way to make this room just a tad bit more nursery-like - namely, a rug and a crib! The changing table (a.k.a. the dresser from Ikea) is waiting patiently downstairs for me to finish the last coat of ceiling/shelf paint in the closet, after which I can give the floors a thorough scrubbing, after which I can start assembling said changing table.

So the modified, short-term Nursery To-Do List is looking like this:

• One more coat of white paint on the closet ceiling and shelves
• Test a swatch of Benjamin Moore's Jamaican Aqua against the rug, when it comes
• Scrub those floors! And continue praying fervently that the mold splotches aren't toxic
• Find shorter screws and attach the return vent & heating vent covers
• Assemble dresser and crib
• Find light fixture, glider, and organic crib mattress
• Start designing the closet interior to magically include bookshelves, toy bins, a clothing rod, storage, and a hamper?

A final note to the peanut gallery: Dude. Don't scoff at the lists. Lists are keeping me sane right now. You should see my work to-do lists, considering camp starts a week from today. They're sub-divided into such fun categories as Center Licensing, Camp Licensing, New Center Staff, New Camp Staff, Exiting Staff, Current Staff, Today, Tomorrow, This Week, What to Move to Camp (because it's off-site, just for funsies), Camp Binders, Counselor Orientations, Junior Counselor Orientation, Family Orientation...yeah. And somehow it'll all get done. At the very least, the air conditioning works this year, and it's not supposed to be 100 degrees quite yet...I'll take it.