Okay. Here we go.
:: In fourth or fifth grade, I was supposed to go over to my friend Sarah's house after school. At the end of the school day, we were gathering our papers and books at our desks, and I realized I had to pee. I crouched down to hold it in, pretending to rifle through the contents of my desk, but as I stood back up? I totally peed my pants. When we were riding the bus home, I told Sarah I thought we should play in the sprinkler at her house...even though it was springtime and pretty chilly outside. She gave me a funny look and said, "Okay. You can borrow a bathing suit, I guess." And I said, "That's okay! I'll just run through with my clothes on!" So we did, and I still don't know if she ever guessed why.
:: I also peed my pants on the fourth-grade field trip to Lansing - right before we got on the bus for the hour and a half drive back to school.
:: I slipped in the shower on vacation and cut my chin open when I was nine years old and refused to take showers again for a long time; I would only take baths. When I finally started showering again, my mom showed me that there was conditioner in the shower that I should start using. A few months later (MONTHS later), I was about to go take a shower, and my mom said, "Hold on, there's no more shampoo in there. Let me grab some." I replied, "That's okay, I use the conditioner now!" I had misunderstood her directions and was using ONLY conditioner, not shampoo. For MONTHS.
:: Okay, this one is actually an adult memory, not one from my childhood...but it's the one that sticks out in my mind whenever I try to think of embarrassing moments. Once, when I was a preschool teacher, I was talking to some parents at the end of the day while the kids ran in circles around us. One of the older siblings who was playing with my preschoolers ran behind me, and then pulled my pants down. And my underwear.
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| Not actually a picture from any of the time periods above, but almost qualifies as an embarrassing moment in and of itself. The bowl cut, the bangs, the Chandler smile, the ruffled turtleneck, the vest. THE VEST. |
Wow! Super therapeutic to share my moments! And by "therapeutic" I mean "dredging up horrific social anxiety and causing me to feel like a therapy appointment is necessary, stat."
Your turn!
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Leeanna said...
"When I was about 11 and my sister was 8, we would pick on each other all the time. I always made fun of her because her legs were so hairy (she was pre-leg shaving age). It would make her mad. So one day we were outside playing with friends and I called her 'Grizzla,' my go-to hairy leg name! And she yelled out, 'Well, at least I don't have spider legs on my crotch!!!' So embarrassing!!!" (For your viewing pleasure, here's a pic of Leeanna. Holy crap.)
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{Read about Kendal's awesome trip down the stairs in the comments below! Kendal, I did a similar thing in ninth grade, and of course my crush was standing nearby. OF COURSE.}
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Amanda* said...
"I remember this one time when I was 16 and I went to my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving with his family. It was the first time that I was going to be with all FOUR of his older sisters and was terrified.
During dinner, his sisters started to make fun of 'Michigan sorority girls' - with their long hair, tight black pants, and baby blue sweaters. Picture me sitting there wearing, you guessed it, long hair, tight black pants, and a baby blue sweater. 16-year-old me was mortified and thought that they were straight up making fun of me at the table and that they all hated me. Cue the waterworks.
Little did I know that those sisters would eventually become my in-laws! They claim they weren't making fun of me, but I'm still not sure!
To cap off the night- a friend of his oldest sister walked in on us kissing! Yay 16!"
*Ahem. My poor dear sister-in-law. I SWEAR I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE WEARING THE SORORITY UNIFORM. I still feel guilty about it!!
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Almost didn't post this because it's super cute and
not actually embarrassing. And yes, my SIL is
actually Alex Mack, AKA Bianca Stratford,
AKA Larisa Oleynik.
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{Yessss, J.J. commented with his story about ladies' underwear!!!}
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ANONYMOUS said...
"I got my period at 13. The day I decided to try a tampon I went into the bathroom with my instructions and it took me a whole lot of time to figure out how that cross section picture worked. Finally after what seemed like forever and was probably more than half an hour, I achieved my goal and ran down to the kitchen to announce it to my mom, extremely proud and excited. WELL, about a year later (I am 14 then), I get to my mom's best friend's house where I am greeted by her 11 year old daughter who tells me, condescendingly as I walk in the door: 'Ha, I did it on the first try.' Gee, thanks mom! That is when I realized that the confidentiality agreement was cut along with the umbilical cord.
[Hey, Anonymous: I have a similar first-tampon story that I'm actually too embarrassed to share. I forgot about it until I read your story!! Maybe I'll get up the nerve to share it later. Maybe not. lol]
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Michelle said...
"For the record, my whole life is a string of embarrassing moments (and I embarrass a lot less easily these days than I used to as a kid, when any unwarranted attention was MORTIFYING). One particular instance I am willing to share was 9th grade biology, first period of the day. On the day of our first semester final, my mom let me eat ice cream for breakfast. I finished my test just fine (and early), but started to feel not so hot. The class was not the closest to the bathroom, but I made it around the corner and was in sight of the door when I barfed. In my hands. All over my sweater. As some senior boy was coming from the opposite direction. Honestly can't think who he was at this point, but I can still recall the rest of the moment perfectly. Sweater was never the same."
[This is totally my nightmare. I hate barfing even in private and am TERRIFIED to barf in public. Also - how in the world did that get cleaned up? Did you have to go find janitor? Ugh. UGH. TERRIBLE.]
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Carrie said...
"I pooped my pants on a walk with my friend. I tried to clean it up in her bathroom, and her parents thought the cat had shit in a houseplant but really, it was me. [Cathy: "Wait, you put your shit in their houseplant?" Carrie: "No!! I just stood next to it for a minute, so it was a particularly stinky area."] Then her sister, who was of course friends with my older sister, walked in the bathroom while I was trying to clean up the giant mess that was my pants. And somehow her dad was involved which was the worst because he was a *boy* and also my soccer coach."
[I have no words for you, sister. This is bad. Really shitty, even.]
Who's next??? :) :) :)
In sixth grade (the first year of middle school when I was a kid), I tumbled down the entire flight of stairs at school. Between classes, when everyone was milling around. Some eighth grade boys cheered. I lost my glasses and my backpack and everything. Highlight of my life, obvs.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe those boys cheered. Kids are so evil. :(
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ReplyDeleteWhen I was 12 my mom and great aunt Marge took my siblings and me out to lunch at my aunt's favorite restaurant right next to a ski hill. While we were there a lingerie modeling show started right after we ordered our food. I spent an hour pretending to look out the window at skiers while hiding my beet red face from the scantily clad women walking right up to our table. My nine year old brother pulling on my shirt and telling me to look at the ladies in their underwear was not helping the situation. My 5 year old sister was worried that the ladies were cold. My 65 year old aunt just felt compelled to strike up a conversation with every woman who walked up to the table. This lasted for over an hour. Worst. Lunch. Ever.
If you had been, like, three years older, it probably would have been a dream come true instead of your worst nightmare.
DeleteI am so embarrassed about Amanda's embarrassing moment.
ReplyDeleteI also have an embarrassing going-to-a-friend's-house-and-having-an-accident story, but unfortunately mine is not about pee.
We pretty much owe her for the rest of our lives. Sorry, Amanda. As for you, Carrie...waiting for your poop story.
DeleteI was in 6th grade when I started my cycle, so still a kid. I loved playing in the sprinkler, water hoses and the like. I thought tampons and pads were the same thing. So....it's that time.....it's summer......someone starts a sprinkler.....someone gets out a hose. We start playing and I see blood running down my leg! I ran to my babysitter's house. She asked me if I had on a tampon and I said yes , of course. Then, she explained the difference. I was good on the tampon thing. I didn't really need to have fun in the sprinklers one week a month. I grew up a little that day. BTW, when I did start I bawled! Like a baby, for like 2 or 3 hours! I did not want to be a girl!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, no, Leah! 😩 For some reason period stories always seem the most embarrassing to me. (But I love that you and I both have sprinklers featured in our embarrassing memories.)
DeleteSo I was 26 and had just started my first job as a real lawyer. I was super nervous about everything, what I wore, how I acted, my work product, because it was in the middle of the recession and i knew that if I got fired I would likely not be able to find another job. On top of this, I worked with a bunch of super competitive senior female attorneys who resented that the firm had hired someone new during the recession. So, taking a cue from a friend of mine who truly believes that if you are nervous, you should wear extra fabulous underwear, you know, so at the foundation of your outfit is something that makes you feel confident, I invested in several pairs of outrageous underwear. I'm talking sequins, Ruffles, lace, the works. I'm pretty sure one pair even included detachable furry pom poms, because nothing says confident lawyer like detachable furry Pom poms dangling off your ass right? Annnnywho, about four days into said job, I visited the ladies room around nine am, then hurried off to court with one of the senior attorneys, followed by a loooong day of sitting in on meetings and other lawyering junk with several of the aforementioned competitive ladies, who seemed unexpectedly and uncharactistically delighted by my presence that day. I was thrilled to think that I was really making some inroads with my new colleagues. Around three IN THE AFTERNOON, aka seven hours later, my section head, a cranky gent in his late fifties, pulled me aside to let me know that I should use the evening to rereaad the employee hand books dress code because he didn't believe my skirt was appropriate. I went sprinting to the bathroom I tears to find my knee length black crepe Talbot's skirt tucked into the top of my tights, and my fuzzy Pom Pom bedecked cheeky waving at the world.
ReplyDeleteBest quote of this entire week: "...nothing says confident lawyer like detachable furry pom poms dangling off your ass right?" I cannot believe this actually happened to you.
DeleteI woke up late for class (this was 1995, the Year of the Skirts and Tights) and ran to pee before I left. It was a little chilly walking across campus, but I figured whatevs, it was March, Seattle, alla that. People seemed very pleased to see me, so I figured (of course) I must really be rocking my skirt-and-tights combo. Which I was, if my "rocking" you mean "tucked into the back of my tights so I flashed everyone from my apartment to the far side of campus".
ReplyDeleteNote: 1995 was not only the year of the skirts-and-tights, it was also the Year of the Thong.
I'm just saying.
THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS TO PEOPLE?! Are you dead? Because I would have died.
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