when I grow up, I'm gonna be...

My sister posted a link to my Facebook page tonight for a (satirical...?) job tending to city council members, which got me thinking. Of all the jobs I've considered recently, I was more qualified for that fake job than any of my other options. You think I'm kidding? Behold: the many business ideas I've conjured up in 2015, along with a brief description of why they're just terrible ideas.

A LIST OF PROFESSIONS

I'VE CONSIDERED IN 2015

(LIKE, SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED, MEANING I HAVE EXTENSIVE NOTES IN MY JOURNAL AND/OR PHONE DETAILING HOW I'LL BE AWESOME AT EACH SPECIFIC PROFESSION)

:: Etsy artist, making high-end baby mobiles. This crashed and burned after I attempted my first handmade hot air balloon. Yeahhh, fuck that.

:: Etsy artist marketer, marketing someone else's Etsy shop. Because those Etsy artists don't have time for marketing shizz, even if their goods are amazing! Know what else Etsy artists don't have? Money for marketing.

:: Academic editor. Turns out you have to have better connections than I do for this. Oh, and, um, related experience and education and probably ability to edit.

:: Journaling workshop teacher (for adults). But I needed someone to workshop me through the planning of this, sooo...fail.

:: Journaling workshop teacher (for middle schoolers). But what middle schooler wants to spend non-school time doing writing exercises? Extra fail.

:: Journaling workshop teacher (for new moms). But what new mom has time for that?! Mega fail.

:: Community college teacher. I'm actually like 90% of the way there when it comes to this one - a relevant subject to teach, a nearby school, the required AND desired qualifications, the right connections. The only missing piece is...actually teaching.

:: Professional organizer. I even met with a very helpful and sweet local professional organizer over the summer to get the inside scoop on how to pursue such an occupation. And then never followed through on a single thing she suggested.

:: Blogger. We can all see how well THAT'S going. ("Cathy, I love your blog! How much money do you make from it?" "So far, each month I bring in zero monies, along with my affiliate revenue of also zero monies.")

:: Teacher of preschool...for grown-ups. Actually still a viable idea. So don't steal it, bettttch.

:: Facilitator of new-mom groups. Also a viable idea. That I haven't followed through on.

:: Content writer for child care center websites. For child care centers! Who have no money to pay me.

:: Behavior consultant for child care centers. For child care centers! Who have no money to pay me.

:: New-mom mentor. Based primarily online, I'd have all sorts of services available...support groups and individual coaching and referrals to a wide variety of resources...on my non-existent website, www.DoesntFollowThroughOnAnythingForFucksSake.com.

:: Owner of Nailed It! You know Paint & Pour? This would be that, except with DIY nail and string art, which can be done by anyone. Which is why it's already being done. By everyone. Without paying me money to guide them.


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I'm probably even forgetting some gems here, but it's after 11:00 and I need to go to sleep. My day job starts in eight hours. Oh, yeah, my day job: stay-at-home-mom. The one job I'm qualified for, have experience in, and love more than anything in the world. My client sucks at timely payments, though.

Good thing she's cute.

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